The Pitfalls of Positive Thinking

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The shelves of the self-help section of our local bookstores groan with the weight of hundreds of books appealing to us to apply positive thinking as a means of building a better life. From affirmations to The Law of Attraction, it’s clear that thinking positively is big business.

It seems logical. It makes sense that a mind full of positive, “can-do” thoughts is likely to come up with more options, and to generate more motivation, than one which is burdened with thoughts of doom and gloom.  However, it turns out that positive thinking may not be quite so positive after all – at least not for some people.

A new study suggests that the application of affirmations can make people with already low self-esteem feel worse than they do to start with. In fact, when two groups – one self-rated as having high self esteem, the other self-rated as having low self esteem – considered affirmations, the results were startling. The positive statements, far from bringing the low group to the same level of happiness as the other group, actually widened the psychological gulf between them (the high-esteem group felt even better, the low-esteem group felt even worse).

However, when considered more closely, these results are actually not all that surprising. We all see the world from our own unique perspective. When we receive messages which are consistent with our predominant viewpoint, either from the external world or from our own thought processes, we have no trouble accepting them, and we may in fact attach more strongly to them for having apparently had them “confirmed”. For people who are already predisposed to positive thinking, affirmations can have exactly that marvellous and inspiring effect.

However, messages which are inconsistent with our viewpoint will do one of two things – either they’ll convince us to see things differently (if they are strong enough messages), or they’ll appear so inconsistent with our prevailing view of the world that we find them impossible to accept. In this latter case, we may even reject them more strongly as a result. It’s less a case of “I’ll believe it when I see it”, and more one of “I’ll see it when I believe it.”

If our negative, limiting beliefs are very strong, then they may become even more entrenched when we try to dislodge them. Like a car wheel spinning deeper into muddy ground, the more effort we put into shifting our negative thinking may result in us becoming increasingly “stuck”.  Is it any wonder then that we can spend all day affirming that we’re “loveable, loving and loved” and then want to rip the head of the next traffic warden who gives us a parking ticket?

So where does this leave you if you are in a gloomy place, and want to let in the light? Do you give up on the positive thinking altogether, and start affirming the negative? Not quite…

Give Yourself A Break!

A first step towards ensuring that your thoughts are working for you – whether they’re negative, positive, or neutral – comes in understanding that it isn’t possible to choose every single thought you think. Have you noticed? Thoughts appear in our minds, without us willing them there (if you don’t believe me, try to stop thinking). Which thoughts have a tendency to appear is something we may be able to influence over time, but not by bludgeoning our brains senseless with affirmations which we simply don’t believe. If you are thinking negatively, it’s worth trying to get to the bottom of why.

Try these steps as a way of ensuring your thoughts aren’t working against you:

Shift your focus from what you’re thinking to what you’re feeling. Unexpressed feelings – anger, sorrow, disappointment, fear – have a tendency to find their expression anyway, sometimes in ways which we don’t immediately appreciate. If you’re constantly beating yourself up in your mind, try getting those feelings out. Write them down in a journal, speak to a friend or counsellor, cry, scream into (or punch) a pillow. Whatever works for you, as long as it isn’t harmful to yourself or others. When the feelings have a chance to live, you may find that the thoughts change*.

Recognise that negative thinking isn’t all bad. It’s natural to have negative thoughts in a stressful situation. In fact, it’s probably part of our survival mechanism – nature’s way of allowing us to “depressurize”. It’s only when these thoughts are suppressed, or when they become habitual, that there’s a problem. Get used to allowing yourself short, self-indulgent bursts of negativity. Make a ritual of it – get creative with your cursing! Allow yourself to groan, gripe, moan, mope, rage, rant, rave, whinge and whine. Again, you could do this in a journal – perhaps keeping one section of it especially for you to “offload” into – or you could gather some understanding friends and tell them “watch out – I’m about to have a bitchfest”. Have them cheer you on as you tear a strip off the world. Then, when you’re done, get on with living. The effect can be powerfully refreshing – like a storm clearing the air on a humid day.

Interrogate your limiting beliefs. If you find that negative thoughts are stopping you from doing what you want, then be prepared to question them. This isn’t about deciding they are “wrong” – it’s about recognising what other perspectives may be at least as “right”. At its simplest, you could just write down your negative thoughts and then convert them into equivalent positive ones. “I can’t learn the piano, I’m too old” could turn into “I’m just the right age to learn the piano”. Then your job is to find out why the second thought could be at least as true as the first. Look for the evidence. This isn’t about forcing yourself to change your mind – you’re just giving yourself permission to open it a bit more. An excellent method for enquiring into negative thoughts, and turning them around, is The Work – a process developed by a remarkable woman called Byron Katie. I’ll be blogging about her in the near future (I had the privilege of studying with her a couple of years ago), but in the meantime, it’s worth being aware that all the materials you need for doing The Work are available – for free – at www.thework.com, where you can also see a number of videos of Katie facilitating The Work on a variety of topics.

Invent your own affirmations. When you feel ready to put positive thoughts to work for you, a great way of doing it is to make up your own affirmations. That way, you can ensure that you’re not repeating anything to yourself which is so inconsistent with your current viewpoint that you find it impossible to believe. “I am a totally loveable person” may be too much of a stretch for you, whereas “I treat people with kindness” may not. Pick statements which are both positive and realistic, and start using them. Like a muscle, your positive thinking capacity will grow with use especially when exercised in a way which doesn’t push it too hard too soon. And remember – for my money, the very best affirmation ever invented is the one belted out by Albin in La Cage Aux Folles: “I Am What I Am” – or, if you’re Popeye: “I Yam What I Yam”!

*PLEASE NOTE: If you are suffering from chronic negative thinking – the type which is persistent, domineering, and debilitating – be prepared to seek help. Depression is an illness which is not uncommon, and which can be treated. Speak to your GP, or to a counsellor (check the Yellow Pages), or – if things feel really desperate – to The Samaritans . There is help available, and you are never alone.

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© Brian Cormack Carr, 2009

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